To Funny Not to Share (for Women)

I really hesitated on writing about one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me this week, but I decided I would share my humiliation with others.  This week I had my first mammogram and I was nervous about it.  I have heard from anyone that's ever had one that they are painful, and I didn't really know what to expect.  It is an extremely uncomfortable position to be put in when you have a stranger manhandling your boobs in a very strange way.  The first two photos went smoothly, but as we began the second set of pictures. that's when things started to get weird.  The second set of photos hurt more than the first.  It wasn't ridiculous amounts of pain, but it wasn't comfortable.  Like I said before, I was nervous and I was gripping the handle so tightly my knuckles were turning white.  When she finished one side on that second set, I started to feel a little dizzy.  I knew I only had one more so this whole awkward experience would be over soon.  She locked me into the machine for the last photo and she walked over to the other side to take the photo.  Somewhere in that time I passed out.  I FREAKING PASSED OUT!  The next thing I know I woke up on the cold floor really confused.  I had no idea where I was or who these people were over me.  There was a nurse, the lab technician, and a male doctor checking my vitals.  The lab technician reached and pulled my gaping gown together.  Then I realized where I was and what had happened.  As I passed out I hit my face on the machine.  I hit my forehead, nose, chin, but most of all my lip.  It swelled instantly and was bleeding.  The doctor wanted to take me immediately to the ER.  I said I wanted to finish the rest of my mammogram so I didn't have to go through it again any time soon.  So we finished the test, I got dressed and was wheeled into the ER.  On the way, you could tell that the lab technician was distraught.  I asked her if this had ever happened before, and of course I'M THE FIRST!! Of course no ever passes out during a mammogram, just me.  How awesome.  The ER doctor came in and looked at my lip and he said it needed stitched, but I refused them.  I just wanted to get out of there.   It's still a mystery how I exited the machine with all my body parts attached.  Even now, a few days later my lip is still swollen,  my whole face, and the back of my head.  It looks like I had a bad Botox injection.  So, the next time (or first time) you have a mammogram just remember that if you start to feel dizzy, STOP and SIT DOWN for a minute:)  You'll be thankful.

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