My Heart's Desire

The news that you are expecting a baby is different for each person.  For some, it is shock, or maybe horror.  For some, it means a major inconvenience in your life, so much so that they will chose to just kill the baby rather than think of it as a gift or a blessing.  This week, I took a pregnancy test and saw a faint positive line.  I got down on my knees with my face on the floor with tears streaming down thanking God for answering my prayer.  For me, this news was sheer joy. 

We have been trying for over a year and a half to have another baby, and I have been through every emotion about it over that length of time.  First, I started off fully trusting in God's timing on the matter and that He would bless us with another baby at just the right time.  Then, I began to move into to some impatience over the matter wondering, "What is taking so long????"  In the fall of last year, I moved into a touch of a pity party for myself because it seemed that everywhere I turned people I knew were getting pregnant, but not me.  I moved past that, with the help of my encouraging and wise husband. 

However, the worst was a few months ago for me.  We had been trying for over a year, and if I have ever had depression, it was then.  Walking past the baby section in Wal-Mart literally sent me into tears.  I thought it was never going to happen, and then I mourned the end of the baby stage in my life.  We had always planned on having a large family, so for me, this was a time of coming to grips that we may just have two children.  I sold all of my baby stuff in a yard sale last month.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE my two boys more than anything else, but I had always thought we would have more eventually. 

So, after all the emotions that have occurred over the last year and a half over trying to get pregnant, God finally gave me the desire of my heart.  I think He was definitely trying to teach me a lesson through the waiting, but I can't say I passed the test perfectly...without my share of doubting, questioning, anger, and resentment at times toward God and others.  

I know some probably think God has nothing to do with ones ability to get pregnant or not, but I believe that God is in complete control of everything.  It is just a matter of how I chose to respond to His plan.  When you think of the miracle of life itself, it is evident there is a Creator.  He is the giver of life.  "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb"  Psalm 139:13.

So after three positive tests, and a confirmation from the doctor, we will be having another baby in our near future...

We told the boys and their reactions were priceless.  Lucas shook his head and said, "NO!  I'm the baby!!"  Logan had a look of surprise, then he started tearing up with excitement.  He has been wanting another baby and has been praying for a year.  I was so thankful that he got to see answers to prayers that he had been praying himself.  It was precious. 

I give God praise for this baby and when he or she is born I will say as Hannah did, "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him." 1 Samuel 1:27

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.”    Psalm 37:4